


Stretching towards the sky

by bunnybinnie



Series: Late Night Thoughts [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Butterfly Effect, Gen, Introspection, Looking for Answers, Not Beta Read, Self-Reflection, Teen Angst, Yang Jeongin | I.N-centric, feeling of disconnection, idk how to tag this, struggling with reality, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24220528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnybinnie/pseuds/bunnybinnie
Summary: Jeongin has been staring at the sky for hours, looking for answers.The night is as empty as he is.Or is it way too full?
Series: Late Night Thoughts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889530
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Stretching towards the sky

Lying in bed, Jeongin stares at the night sky through the Velux. He’s not sure how long he’s been doing this, he can recall being able to see a bright blue sky earlier. Then it turned slightly orange. And now the darkness is starting to envelop him.

He breathes out, slowly. He can feel his heart beating in his chest, maybe a bit too loudly. He is aware of his lungs expanding and deflating steadily. He swallows his saliva. He feels like crying.

Jeongin tries to put words on what he’s feeling, but everything seems empty. Is he feeling nostalgic? Maybe. Is he fearful of the future? It is likely. But he also feels empty and full at the same time. It’s like he’s missing something but he’s overwhelmed by his entire being. He wants to know what’s wrong so he can fix it, but he doesn’t know what it is, and it just adds on the weight that crushes him every day.

So, he stares at the sky. It helps a little bit. The sky is like him, empty but full at once. Jeongin lifts his left hand over him and he wiggles his fingers. He looks at them moving so slightly, the night overhanging behind them. Why is it that he doesn’t feel real? Or is it that he’s _too_ real? He is unsure. His tongue wets his lips and he sighs. His eyes focus on the sky and he lets himself forget that existence is a thing. Just for a moment, time dissolves. There is no past, no future and the present is unknown.

His sight is becoming blurrier and blurrier but there are no tears on his face. It feels like he’s choking, yet he’s breathing just fine. He’s longing for something, but he doesn’t know what. Is it someone? Is it somewhere? Jeongin only has questions and no answers.

He knows the frustration is growing inside him each day. He takes his earphones and puts them on, his thumb pressing ‘play’ on his favourite playlist. His eyes close as he lets his whole body getting carried away by the music.

The music is the only thing that exists right now and that satisfies him. He doesn’t want to feel real. He doesn’t want the world to be real. There is nothing else but the melody in his ears. He forgets about his memories. He forgets about his worries. No yesterday and no tomorrow. He breathes and there is only ‘now’. Now is forever. Now is fictive. Jeongin smiles at the thought.

He doesn’t want to be alive. He doesn’t want to die either. He just wants ‘now’ to never ends. The music ends and there is a short silence before the next song starts. The pause is short enough for him to _feel_ the world. It’s like he’s aware of the gravity that keeps him on his bed. He fears he can feel the earth revolving around the sun and on itself.

He starts thinking. He doesn’t know what ‘real’ is, but he knows he is. But why? Why him? Are the others real too? They are. It doesn’t take a genius to say ‘yes’. But _why_? His head cannot wrap around his own existence. He is alive. He is growing up. He was a child and one day he will be an old man. What he does and he doesn’t do have consequences. Everything he says, but also all the things he will never say. It all has consequences, bigger than one could think. It's like _the others_ have the right to be real but he doesn't. Real life belongs to other people, not him. He doesn't know why. It just feels right to think this way.

He is part of a chain. Everyone is linked to everyone, but no one sees it really. Like a game of domino, one push and everything falls down. Is he falling down?

There are no answers and as he drifts to sleep, life is both too much and not enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what that is. I don't really know if I like it, but it helped a bit to write this. I've been feeling this way for way too long and it's becoming harder to ignore lmao. I wanted to describe how I feel a bit more, but I don't think the rights words exist  
> Anyway, thank you for reading. I hope you still enjoyed it


End file.
